One of my biggest fears is not being able to walk. I told you about my experience when I could not walk for about two weeks when I was five years old. I hated the feeling of being confined to a chair and having to ask anyone for help to go anywhere I had to go. That’s why I can never stay still for a period of time. I have to walk or shake my legs or wiggle my toes in my shoes to remind me I can still make my legs work.
I sprained my foot badly yesterday because of cobbled stones. At first, I thought it was nothing so I still went to work as usual. In the middle of my ride to work, that’s when I noticed the pain and the swelling beginning. It hurt to get out of the ride but thankfully, two of my officemates assisted me and waited for me until our clinic discharged me.
I thought the meds will work immediate wonders. After half a day at work, I accepted defeat. Aside from the fact that it was already too painful to walk, I felt bad for having to rely on other officemates to help me walk.
I requested for a wheel chair and the guards of our building were very generous with their assistance as they helped me get into my ride home. It took a lot of guts for me to sit in the wheelchair. Suddenly, all my fears about losing my ability to walk came rushing back. The feeling of having to trust another person with pushing my chair did not sit well with me. I felt useless.
Just a few hours ago, I finally allowed myself to cry. I was so ashamed of the situation I was in. I know it sounds very petty and lots of people get sprains everyday. But, I was not ready to face this huge fear I have had for twenty-one years now. I just wanted to go about my day. I was not expecting to have my world crashing down with me.
But, this experience really humbled me. Asking for help to walk did not make me a lesser person. Asking someone to push my chair for me did not make me worthless at all. This sprain is just temporary and soon, I can resume walking properly and wiggling my toes in my shoes.
I cannot express how thankful I am to everyone who was such a huge help to me. They made sure to not make me feel that I was being an inconvenience to them. They were quick to offer their arm or their shoulder for me to hold on to. Despite how simple those gestures looked like, they meant a big deal to me today.