The Hang

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.” –Tao Te Ching

It’s been a while since I last whipped out my tarot cards. Having slept all day and unable to sleep tonight, I decided to kill my boredom by doing a reading. I opted to pick one card from my deck with the intention for the card to tell me something I needed to understand.

I drew out The Hanged Man.

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Looking at the card, the first thing I noticed was how chill the guy was despite hanging by a foot from a tree. His other leg was bent and his arms were behind his back. It’s like he’s on vacation! His situation was not worrying him it seems. Also, because he was hanging by a foot, I would have expected for gravity to have stronger pull on him. So why was he still so relaxed and at peace despite the predicament he is in?

From my intuition and research, The Hanged Man card can be said to signify letting go and surrendering to “what is.” Hanging upside down can mean looking at things differently as well.

Let it go. I have heard it a lot the past few days. I didn’t like myself these past few days to be honest.

In yoga

I learned how to flip my downward dog already. I managed to make a split with my right leg forward. Yet, I still cannot manage Chaturanga Dandasana (Four-Limbed Staff Pose) no matter how I tried.

My belly keeps dropping first, my shoulders collapse, and everything else always goes wrong when I attempt it. So, I asked for the teacher’s guidance on how to do it. At home, I watched YouTube videos on how to do it. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, my elbows won’t bend when I try to move from high plank to low plank. Then, I collapse on my mat.

Rina, my work colleague who inspired me to try yoga again, is very encouraging. She keeps on telling me not to rush myself and to not be ashamed of going for modified poses when I cannot do the main ones yet. But, stubborn me and my pride won’t let it go. So, despite my sore muscles, I kept trying and trying to do it at home.

Long story short, I now have very sore shoulders that hurt every time I raise my arms. I pushed myself too hard beyond my limit. All because I couldn’t accept that I am not yet strong enough to pull of the move.

In my relationships

I do not understand why I still keep on reaching out to people I want to avoid. They make me feel like crap, but I still approach them anyway, trying to see any sliver of hope that I can make the relationship work.

There’s someone I haven’t seen in a long time but I refuse to go out and see this person. Why? I am mightily scared of this person because of a long history of unhappy experiences. Yet, I am pissed at myself because I still care even if it’s just a little bit.

So, I sent this person gifts for Christmas through a courier. I did not hear anything although this person received the package. Don’t get me wrong. I was not expecting to hear this person’s gratitude or to receive gifts in return. Any reaction was highly acceptable. I just needed assurance that this person is still alive and kicking.

I told my friend, Alex, about it. I told him I felt like crap because I made a conscious decision to stay away from that person at all costs, yet I reach out and hope for a reaction. I am so messed up.

Alex told me to let it go. He’s right. But all I could think of doing was replying with a GIF of Channing Tatum in Elsa’s costume, singing “Let It Go.”

In my faith

I was talking to my work colleague, Hanna, about my recent attempts to attend the church services of this born-again Christian group. I opened up to her about my Catholic upbringing and my lack of the habit to go to church every Sunday to hear mass. I shared with her my reasons for looking into attending church service outside my Catholic religion.

While we were on the topic, I also admitted to her how everything still feels different for me. One of the things that feel so foreign to me is seeing people sing with their arms raised up and their eyes closed. I told her how much I wondered how profound those people’s experiences are of God that they could do that without fear of judgment. I bet that if I were to do that, I will feel mightily embarrassed. Don’t get me wrong. I am faithful; just not showy.

Hanna replied that she was told by someone that being able to do that means you have been freed of the shackles around your wrists (metaphorically). I guess that by being free from those chains, one becomes less inhibited to display their faith that way.

Back to the card

If were the one hanging by a foot, I bet I would have been in a panic while trying to grab on to the branch to free myself. I doubt I’ll be able to do that given my weak core muscles though. But, you get the point. I could never be as chill as that guy in the card.

I have a bad habit of holding close everything that is dear to me. Letting go has not been my biggest skill even if I preach it to other people. So, it’s good to be reminded of what I need to practice on.

 

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Do-Don’t-Continue Tarot Reading

After learning the basics of tarot reading, I have tried to perform readings on myself from time to time. Here’s my do-don’t-continue cards that I recently drew to take a break from my work.

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Do: King of Wands

It means there is an opportunity that has opened for me and I can decide to take it on.

Yup. Boss resigned. Gotta take on some of his tasks. It’s an opportunity for me to increase my visibility to other employees in our office and partners overseas. It’s a chance for me to speed up my learning process and to develop even more my time management skills. Hence, it means for me to do step up my game. 1…2…3…Fighting!!!

Don’t: King of Cups

This king represents someone who has mastered balancing his emotions. He represents someone who is compassionate, kind, and is able to deal with others calmly. He is someone who knows how to maturely and calmly deal with his emotions. Ironically, this king reminds me of my boss.

So, what should I not do? I should not get my fears get the better of me. I am in a unique position to influence the way people look at things. I must not lose the emotional balance by getting easily frustrated and cutting people’s ideas off. After all, different points of view only mean we’re not dealing with duplicates of ourselves. The more ideas there are, the better we can come up with desired outputs that have been considered from different angles and perspectives. Still, I should not allow myself to be swayed from my principles and morals.

I think this card also means that I should also not be too hard on myself. I need to be more vocal about what I am feeling (without sounding self-centered). In that way, I can voice out concerns and needed assistance so that I will not feel at a lost when competing demands are coming left and right.

Continue: Ten of Swords

While it indicates betrayal, this may just mean that I was crushed in devastations. Still, other aspects of the cards show a peaceful sea and rising sun. I believe it signifies new beginnings.

I do feel sad about my boss leaving us. I have a friend who used to be his staff and had great things to say about him, his coaching and management style, and his approach to difficulties at work. That’s one of the reasons I signed up for this job I am in right now. I was confident that my boss will be of big help to me as I transition into my new role. Unfortunately, he has plans of his own and I cannot begrudge him the opportunity to find career growth for himself.

So, what should I continue? This card is also about letting go and accepting defeat. Endings signify new beginnings. I should continue hoping that the best is yet to come. Maybe, I am supposed to learn that I have the inner strength to handle the tasks and challenges ahead of me and I am about to discover it for myself.

The reading certainly helped me put things in perspective. As scared as I am right now of failing and not doing a great job, I have to believe that I can. I know the people who surround me are supportive people who will not feed me to the wolves. I have to take comfort in that. I was placed in this situation because I have a lot to learn from it. Learn from it I shall.

Game.Face.On.

Inkling: A Tarot and Journaling Workshop

IMG_5798Last March 17, I attended a tarot and journaling workshop at Craft MNL. It was my first time to attend a workshop with Craft MNL and my first time to attempt learning about tarot reading. I was very excited and though I was still recovering from my sprain, I made it a point to attend (I was half-way paid even before I got sprained).

It was a small group. There were only six of us attending the workshop led by Chinggay Labrador from @practical_magical for the tarot reading and by life coach Aurora Suarez from @yourheartcraftedlife for the journaling part. The workshop package included a brand new deck of Rider Waite tarot cards which made the deal and experience even sweeter!

We started by talking about intuition and how powerful of a tool it is. The workshop was not meant to make us really good at tarot reading right away and I think three hours is not enough for that. Instead, it helped us tap into our intuition to know what the card is telling based on the basic knowledge given to us about the card meanings.

For my Past-Present-Future reading attempt, I got the following cards: The Fool, Nine of Swords and Ten of Pentacles.

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Research says that The Fool indicates innocence and beginnings. It is also the card of unlimited potential. That is my past.

Nine of Swords means anxiety, despair, excessive worrying and fear of the future. That is my present.

For my future, I got Ten of Pentacles which indicates wealth, establishment, comfort, accomplishment… Okay, I got it. It’s the card of success. That sounds good, right?

So how can I relate to these cards? I recently moved from an internal audit to an IT audit type of job. I am aiming for certifications that will help me get the tools that I need in order to achieve my goal of going into fraud examination that is somehow on the IT side of things. In order to achieve those certifications, I must have IT audit experience. Thus, I arrived at my decision for a career change.

In December of 2017, I was ‘The Fool.” I was someone who was embarking on a new journey in my career life and venturing into my third field of audit. I had no strong background in IT general controls but I do have a good background when it came to risk identification and assessment. The more technical stuff, they expect me to learn and master as I go along.

This leads me to my current situation. My line manager is leaving. Hence, as his deputy, I have to take on most of the tasks of his role once he is gone. I do worry because I am only just getting the hang of my new work and now, I have to take on more tasks too. And that of a more senior officer!

Despite that, I welcome it as an opportunity to improve myself and be better in my work. It’s an experience that will surely make a better professional out of me. I just could not help but overthink stuff sometimes. At least our senior team manager is very supportive and he assured me that he will guide me along the way until they find a replacement for my line manager.

This makes it sound like my future card reading is a sign that if I worked hard enough, I will achieve what I want. The pentacles represent the element of earth though so I have to make sure I stay grounded and humble. Instead of seeing obstacles here and there, I am now seeing lots of open doors–opportunities to prove myself. I just need to work really hard at it and not give up when I am having difficulty already. No pain, no gain.

I am not in a hurry to take those certifications. I want to build a solid foundation first by really knowing my job well. At least the card reading gives me a boost of confidence.

I know, I know. The cards cannot determine my destiny because it is something I should work hard for. I just use it somehow as a motivation to do even better. That being said, I should work on my motivation board already.

After learning about tarot, I learned more about self-care and how journaling can help me be more in touch with myself. I learned how to get my thoughts to flow and turn into ink on paper. It was not about the usual dear-diary writing. Instead, it was something deeper than that.

I fell in love with that notebook and card that they gave to us during the workshop because the messages written on them were exactly what I needed to hear. What’s even more amazing is that the supplier of the cards and notebooks, Micah, joined us in our activity! IMG_6030

For more of these cute paper products that are filled with positivity and inspiring messages, visit Micah’s Eden Street website. I am sure you will love her products!

Also, Eden Street is on a summer-long sale to celebrate its second anniversary! Go check out her products right now!

In a world of competing demands for our attention and focus, it’s sometimes difficulty to listen to ourselves and to know how exactly we are feeling. Journaling, I believe, helps a lot in that aspect as it is something very personal and requires us to be honest with ourselves in order to have something to write about. It’s like thinking out loud but our voice is the paper and our mouth, the pen.

I tremendously enjoyed this workshop and hope to learn more about tarot reading. I have uncovered my sister’s old tarot cards and books that she used when she was also into learning this art way back when we were teenagers. I plan to read the books and practice reading the cards. I do not want to make a career out of it though. I want to do it for fun.

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My sister’s old tarot cards and reading materials.

28946985_605049846500859_8452938138205940165_oI also started journaling already, using the pens I have hoarded over the years but have not used since I got them. My golly! I am such a pen hoarder! In the picture is just a quarter of the pens I have all in all. I wonder from whom I inherited this habit…

Do you like tarot readings? Have you tried them and have they worked for you? I still believe we create our own destiny but, these are fun to do from time to time, right?